Thursday 28 April 2016

The Happy Bug






Hey Lovers,

It's been a while I have posted on here. I honestly do miss it, I have a lot of thought and pieces to write down but this is just a short one for today.

The happiness bug: over the years , well for me , a few years ago I reached the conclusion that happiness is self made. You have the keys to your level of happiness. However your environment also contributes. What I mean is, you cannot receive positive energy from negative people, and sad people will not project happiness to you.

If someone in your surrounding has the flu, there's a high chance they will pass the 'bug' to you. Likewise the happy bug, you can catch it too. But look for it in the right environment.

Also by making those around you happy ,you can spread the bug. the happy bug.
 I main priority used to be  concentrating on work , that is earning more money because that equals more disposable cash.but then I had to seek the middle ground and even though if I'm honest I haven't found the perfect balance, but I now put some particular things above others, like I would not put in extra work hours over taking my son to football, or taking a holiday or spend time with my man or kids  or take my daughter swimming and many of her numerous hobbies lol ,  inadvertently I have noticed a huge difference in everyone of them, they are happier.

Spending time with those you love is far above any kind of money, wealth, acquisition .. Tomorrow is not promised as they say. Carpe Diem! Seize the day.

This also relates with negative environment, separate the wheat from the chaffs in your life, don't
 spend time at all with people who put you down or make you sad. Bad idea! Do yourself the favour and delete ,erase , bin! Run for the hills because these company has MISERY tagging on to it.

I don't keep too many friends because I love myself. I only keep those who I genuinely enjoy their company or makes an impact in my life or that of my family. And I'm happy to say those friends do exist , is that selfish? No, it's self-love . If I sense ingenuity or see ingenuity, I dis-engage... Yes I'm the life of the party and also can be a social recluse this is a tactic an armour of protection. I protect myself, my own, my happiness. Because at the end of the day, I have worked hard ( literally) to get myself to the head space I am now.

Protect Yourself. At the end of the day, happiness is a choice, so choose it.

Till my next post,

Love and light

Toke. Xx

Saturday 20 February 2016

STOP SETTLING

Hey Lovers,

I hope you are all are fab. I do hope you all are going for the goals you set yourself at the beginning of the year , if not, start now. its been overwhelming , in a good way may i add , i am grateful.

As i randomly do, I am sitting/laying on my bed, reading a few things as I do, then I came across the thought which brought on todays post, hence me grabbing my phone and typing away.

 I read a quote by Tony Gaskins, who is a motivational speaker, life coach and all that.  Inserted below:



"Stop Settling

Being cheated on is not normal.

Being controlled is not normal.

Being abused is not normal.

Sharing your partner sexually with the community is not normal.

Threesomes are not normal.

Crying more than you smile is not normal.

Breaking up to make up all the time is not normal.

Stop Suffering and Settling."

@TonyGaskins




 Now after reading this, i took a minute to ponder on  it and thought, i had to share this... And its deep. its a message most people, men and women need to hear more and more . Settling! Its  becoming the norm...  We live in a  generation of " i'll rather be with him/her and unhappy ".    

Also when one  shares a  post like this people think you're sad or lonely lol quite the oposite actually, i remember when i was newly single and everyone who knew me was interested in my love life mostly with good intentions, and will try to ' hook' me up . oh there was an influx of men lol. But I was  guarded up and would screen that person , then maybe speak or get to know the person , and most cases even before i get to know the person really deeply, i cut them off ., I see something i wont have  and its easier to let go than try. I must emphasise that it was easy because there wasnt any relationship forming yet, this would be the " lets get to know each other stage" . I was called fussy and picky. What most didnt know was i always said i wouldnt settle, and by settle i meant, i wouldnt settle for ANYTHING  just to have something. Does that make sense? Yes? Then you must know that  non -settlers always  have the best in the end, believe me on this. As  the saying goes  " the patient dog eats the fattest bone". I am a living testimony. You can be too.

I can only relate with my personal life so pardon me if i refer to myself constantly, experience they say is the best teacher.

Most  people in my life past and present would find it hard  to believe but i was single for a  while by choice mostly , and i was genuinely  happy because this allowed me time to find my true self ,to be happy with myself being alone as a person then pass on or share that love with  another. . My motivation has always been one; Never settle for less . And two; Do as you would want your daughter/son ( this is another huge one, maybe in my book. Explained in details. Single parenting and dating, bringing a new partner around your kids, my personal rule on that. Strict but it worked out well in the end )

Not wanting to 'Settle' does not mean picky. Is it picky to not want to be with a cheat, an abuser, or a control freak? No. So dont ever advise anyone you know to settle for less than they deserve and this includes as with everything in life. Know what you want and go for it. I also maintain that no one is perfect and you would never find any perfect man or woman but my goodness open your eyes, choose your battle. Wether you can be happy with someone  who snores is incomparable to being with someone who will damage your emotional wellbeing.

I do have intentions to write more ( a book in the future) on dating especially dating  for single women ( parents) . But for now, be it a single parent, non parent, young or old. Be patient!

Finally to  the " Christians"Who come at everything with the bible , remember christians in quote, let me tell you, that life( living unhappy and setling for less) is not what God wanted for youπŸ˜„Read your bible more to understand how the life HE designed you to live is nothing but a happy one!


Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a comment  and share .

Till my next post,

Love and light  xx

Toke

Tuesday 17 November 2015

Reflections




Hello lovers,

Todays post is just a random quick thought for many self-critics, like myself , dont get me wrong, its not totally a bad thing to self-doubt, to critisize one'self , and more often  self critic are very hard on themselves... This is ok, but there is a time to stop and reflect. This should not be confused for self esteem, totally different!.... Where was i?  Yeaaaa πŸ˜€

You are exactly where you need to be.

Nobody is where they want to be when they first begin.as we go through  our lives and as we really start to initiate our real lives, a life filled with making moves towards becoming a success and maintaining levels of happiness, we soon realise that getting to our dream is a step by step process.

No one can go through life and maintain a successful happiness without maintaining the deligent 'be yourself mindset'  throughout it.

Remember that each day is a new day and instill in your mind that though you may not necessarily be where you want to be , at least you are making strides towards becoming the person that you trully want to become.

Take each step as it comes and live everyday as best as you can, this might be the oldest of cliches but the truest. Eventually you will be at the top of each mountain you attempted to climb , keep pushing. Theres always a light at the end of every tunnel.

Love and Light... X
Toke

Wednesday 7 October 2015

F.L.Y : First, Love yourself


Hey Lovers,

Its been a minute...post have not been up as much as I would love to but here i am now :)

This weeks post is somewhat personal yet generic... First, Love yourself! Enjoy xoxo

I had a thought yesterday when i read a quote and it was: “The only unrequited love that truly exists is towards ourselves.”

Just for some of my readers who dont know what this term is :     Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection or consciously reject it. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind." ... Thank you google dictionary lol. 

Moving on.....

It seems, so much in our lives, we can experience this sense of love unreturned to us by those we want it from.

You’re a lover; I’m a lover; we’re all lovers in some form. Deep down all we want is to love and be loved in return. That’s the true pulse of the human condition.

Regarding, romantic love specifically, I find it funny (and at times PAINFUL) the dance we all dance. It’s like Girl A likes Boy B, but Boy A likes Girl A, and Girl B likes Boy A. I know, that confused me, too. I just think it’s funny how many times we desire the one that doesn’t want us, or that isn’t the best one for us. And yet, at the same time, we have little to no interest in people who desire us. This obviously isn’t how it always is, but I find this trend is common

It’s really easy to get bummed when someone you really like in that way, doesn’t like you back in that way. You know what I’m talking about – you desire them and they think of you only as a friend or still searching their “feelings”... Yeah – the friend zone. It happens to the best of us, men and women and not only that, we are also perpetrators of putting people who like us in the friend zone. It’s a two-way street.

BUT! When we forget to Love Ourselves, when we forget The Universe is on our side and wants us to thrive. When we love ourselves, we remember that rejection is protection. When we love ourselves we are careful whom we give our hearts to. When we love ourselves, we see every event of our lives as lessons and know that there are no shortages in The Universe. We know that if it doesn’t work out with that someone you had your eye on, or that job you really wanted, something greater is on the way. This is True.

When we love ourselves and are filled with this love; it’s nearly impossible to feel unrequited love from someone else. It’s only when we have given that person power over our lives and control over our emotional well-bring that we can feel unrequited love from them. Feeling unrequited love from someone is a symptom of low self-esteem and a misalignment with your power.

So, if you’re feeling this way, take your power back today. Put your trust in the things that The Universe has in store for you. Let go a little and see what’s next. There is no shortage in The Universe. There is someone perfect for you out there and they will find you as you become more and more of your authentic self. The Key is Authenticity

When you are feeling the low vibrations of unrequited love, don’t go chasing after it from other
people. STOP, check in within yourself and be still. If you seek out the path of trying to fill yourself up from other people or substances, you will only make it worse. Take care of yourself. Do you! Stay in your power and do things that nurture your heart and soul.

This is what I mean when I say, “The only unrequited love that truly exists is towards ourselves.” When we love ourselves, we are not seeking others to fill us and we are free to detach and welcome in the perfect person in the perfect time. And in the meantime, we fill ourselves up so that we have the serenity and joy – so we can step into savoring the waiting, instead of dreading it.

 Take your power back, love yourself !

Love and light.... X

Toke

Saturday 15 August 2015

The Good Stress

                   
“A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.” – Unknown
Many times I find myself sitting, in thoughts, one time it was just after I Quit a job I thought I’d probably spend the rest of my life doing because it was just that great. Assessing my feelings of stupidity, anger, fear and dissapointment...in myself .
But I didn’t feel any of these things. Instead, I felt an unexplainable happiness—like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. When the shock of the moment wore off, I realized why I was so happy; all of a sudden, anything was possible!
It had been years since I’d tried something new. It’d been years since I’d taken a risk on myself. It’d been years since I’d actually felt alive. And this moment had snapped me out of it.
So, sitting there in my car that day, faced with no idea what my life was going to look like starting tomorrow, I asked myself a simple question:
What would my life be like if I did something that scared me every single day?
One year passed and I’m relatively convinced it’s the best question I ever asked. Taking up different opportunities big or small, adventuring with my livelihood haha, pushing my body physically and testing my own limits.
None of these things were comfortable—quite the opposite, actually, but they were all worth the effort.

Giving Stress a Good Name

I think it’s been a while since stress has gotten a fair shake. It’s no four-letter word—literally or figuratively—and for the bad rap it’s gotten in ruining lives, it’s also reaffirmed just as many.

Stress doesn’t come in just one flavor; it comes in two. Most of us are keenly aware of the kind we  feel when we’re under pressure to do something we don’t want to do for people we don’t want to do it for. It makes us lethargic, tense, and irritable.
But we’re not always as quick to recognize when that same force is making us happy, energetic, and healthier.
Stress isn’t good or bad, it just is. What we need is less bad stress and more good. But where does good stress come from?
In my case, it comes from doing difficult and uncomfortable things that also make me happy. It comes from a curiosity about things in my life that take hard work to learn about and explore

What I’ve found is the difference between good and bad stress depends entirely on the direction it’s 
applied.

When I work hard and worry about something that isn’t important to me, it takes a lot out of me. But. 
 when I work hard and apply myself towards something I care about—when I take a risk on something important to me—it adds a great deal to my enjoyment of life.
What I’ve learned, ultimately, is that stress can be a positive thing, and the times that I learn the most and am the happiest with my life are also the times when I step outside my comfort zone and take a risk on something that’s meaningful to me.

Serenity and Pushing your limits

Last year I took a challenge or some might call it a risk where I ran a half marathon, something I'd 
never done before, infact the closest thing I had done prior was a 5k, but remember this was about testing my own limits.

There were lots of complications while I trained, but I never felt like I was doing the wrong thing.
Should a life well lived always be in a state of quiet serenity? Or should you always be in pursuit of some kind of challenge? Those questions seem like opposites, but I think they actually go together.
To me, a life well lived strikes a balance between both of those worlds. And I reject the idea that you have to choose one over the other.
My life, at times chaotic, but I feel a sense of serenity throughout it because when challenging myself with something I love. Be it travelling to somewhere I'd never been, taking on a marathon, quitting a 
job that I once considered EVERYTHING ,The stress is welcome.

More importantly, I try to take each piece of that experience for what it is—one small but manageable risk that is important for it’s own sake, able to show me something special about life regardless of 
what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. When you embrace the idea of risk-taking and what it can do for your life, regardless of success or failure, scale becomes mostly unimportant. What looks insignificant to everyone around you can be quite life altering. And many small steps tend to add up to big ones.

The Tiny Risk-Taking Challenge

If you believe, like I do, that stepping outside of your comfort zone on daily basis and trying new things is a good way to live, then I’d like to challenge you to ask yourself the same question that I did.  Take seven cards ,for Seven days ,think about things that scares you everyday, then DO IT ! 
Then write down  how you felt when you took that risk. When the seven days are up, look through 
the cards again. Read your responses, and ask yourself: Is my life better today than it was seven days ago?
If the answer is no, then feel free to stop; nothing more is required. But if the answer is yes? Welcome to an exciting new world.


Love and light.... X
Toke



Friday 15 May 2015

Welcome to my NEW BLOG!!!





Hi There!

I'm Toke.... This is my new blog!

I decided after many months of fighting the urge of writing again that I should start this blogging thing AGAIN!

My inspiration to start over  is my wonderful 6yo daughter who is becoming a really good writer for her age, she enjoys writing little stories and making up these wonderful story lines that makes me wonder " whose child is this?" Hahaha... However I  remembered that little girl used to be me too... In primary school, I derived the most fun in cutting out my Exercise book in half, and start a story usually about a boy and a girl *raises brow* and in fact these stories would be complete with pictures! I was however disastrous at drawing..and as an adult, I'm still the same way and many many journals after... It's a confirmed hobby/passion /whatever it's called nowadays.

Back to my daughter, Alicia who told me she wants to become an Author  . I believe she can, our motto has always been " you can so anything if you put your mind to it, and work hard" .  She 's inspired me again!

I started to write a blog many years back , in 2008 if I'm correct and I did so on and off till I  just slowly drifted away from it, but Writing is a passion that I can't describe, I don't have a script or plan, It's my medicine, if I need to pour out or release some inner thoughts, writing is my sanctuary. I have fought it for a long time but I'M back!! *smug grin* ha!

However , I'm not sure which way I'm going to go discussion wise, it is called DiscussionsHQ (HQ for Head-Quarter) because I hope in time it would involve my readers too and we can have healthy
conversations. Therefore, as I did in the past, it's going to be a freestyle, that way, there's no topic off limit! I do like blogs and websites that discuss purely health or relationships or entertainment etcetera however I DONT like restrictions... We don't work well together lol

Sooo... This is it! Finally done it 😁😁 feel free to keep checking back, I will be posting updates on my social networks and feel free to share and comment as you please

Love and light.... X
Toke